today...

sandals. skirts. bathing suit. picnic. car ride. wrong turns. long way. beach. sunscreen. sun burns. mat. reading. ice cream. walk. mansion. ghost towns. grave yard. backwards. country side. radio. highways. smart turns.

i make...

myself crazy. with my over active mind. with my thoughts that race. with my heart that feels. i get sad when thinking of .everything. .anything. to do with anyone. im afaird. im just living a life. not a life i wish to live. where is my adventure. where is my love. where is the times i wish to share. why not has it come. why does my heart not sore. is everything as you hoped. may i be that. why so many. why so little. where shall i be. where shall i go. what am i to do. without.

one month to go...

one more month to go and its my birthday...maybe I should throw a birthday party...to bad I don't have some cool friends who would throw me a surprize party...I havn't had a birthday party in forever...i was just thinking about my birthday party...I wonder maybe I really should have one...

crazy...

is it crazy or not, that you know things are happening even before you are told. I don't know how I feel. Today was another crappy day. I got suspended from work till saturday for that stupid incident on friday. A week without work, what am I going to do.

Did I give up so much for nothing? Well I know my answer now. There is nothing I can do. I must walk away. I must give it up. I must.

Mom

3 posts in one day? It's cause I am bored. This is a interview I did with my mom one day. Its funny. My favourite part is that I didn't like meat when I was a kid...

Chantel: What was my first sentence?
Dawn: Awww your 20 I dont know!

Chantel: What was my first word then?
Dawn: Gees Chantel that was a long time ago. I think it was Mom or Dad. No wait it was yaaa, you would clap your hands together and say that.

Chantel: Did I like to share my toys?
Dawn: You wern't to bad I guess.

Chantel: Did I have a favourite toy?
Dawn: You liked your glow worm

Chantel:What did I want to do when I grew up?
Dawn: I dont rememeber.

Chantel: Who did I idolise when I was younger?
Dawn: No One

Chantel: What is the funniest thing I have ever done?
Dawn:[starts to laugh]Chocking to death at taco bell. Or the time you flew across the floor to grap 20 dollars an old lady was about to pick up.

Chantel: What is the scariest thing I have done?
Dawn: You mean the 8-10 times you almost drown or chocked?

Chantel: What was my favourite food?
Dawn: Pickles

Chantel: What food did I dislike?
Dawn: Meat, cause you were to lazy to chew it.

Chantel: What was my favourite Cartoon?
Dawn: Carebears, I hated carebears.

seriously...

it's been a while since I posted, and it shouldn't be. I need to express myself in this way, it helps me. Well this past week has been horror. I didn't think things could get was worst as they had and it still not over. I still have to go back to work and deal with what I left behind friday. Last week I moved into a new place. I'm living with new people I don't know. So far so good. Then before I could even sleep in my new bed. I was in the hospital with my mom, watching my grandpa pass away. I understand that he has been in the hospital for so long, and he couldn't walk or talk or move. He had an infection in his lungs, my family choose to not cure his infection. He didn't eat or drink for 7 days before he died. They gave him morphine to help him go quicker. I didn't agree in this. What could I say? nothing. I got to tell him I loved him, and I thanked him for being my grandpa, he didnt have to be you know. I was just the foster kids baster daughter. He choose to be there. He took me and my sister camping. He let my grandma give us treats. I wish I could have known him so much more then I did. I had never seen anyone die before, or even a dead person. Yet I saw it all. I don't know if I was ready for this. Really the rest of my problems probably cannot compare to this. After this happened, as usually my work got bad. Which didn't help anything. I havnt been back since Friday, and I have know idea what is to come. They wrote me up for sticking a knife in the toaster, which I don't care about. Its the fact that everyone, including my supervisor, and manger has done this, but cause my supervisor doesn't like me, and she cant get me in trouble for anything else, she wrote me up. I think its stupid. I didn't sign it. I havn't been back to work since.
Next I found out that the job I applied for hired everyone already, and didn't give me an interview. That really upset me, consider I know the people who were hiring. What upset me the most is that I don't feel encourage. I want to spend my life serving God, and working in the ministry, either in the church or outside the church. This job was a great oppuritunity for me for the future. Yet I wasn't even given a chance to have an interview. A supposely the camp didn't go over as well as last year, and they want it to be better this year. Yet they hired all the same people from last year. That doesn't make sense to me. I really feel as though I should have gotten an interview.
A few good things happened, I have a possible place to live in september that would be an amazing place and Lori and John got married. Im so jealous. Its crazy.

My Best Friend Shannon

I have only ever really called one person my best friend. So times I don't even know why she is still my friend. I always forget to call her. I never visit her. I feel like a bad friend all the time, but for some reason after all this time, we are still there for each other. I know that if I needed something Shannon would be there for me. 2 years ago, she wrote this about me...
My name is Shannon. Chantel has been one of my best friends for about four years: since she became a Christian really, though I had nothing to do with it. Outsiders may think that it must be difficult for someone like me and someone like Chantel to be friends, but we have learned to walk around our differences.
I am definitely not a Christian. I'm gay, and tomboyish, and I ride those dangerous motorcycles your mother warned you not to go near. When I think about it, Chantel and I really have nothing in common. Except that we are both somewhat impulsive, very curious, with a great deal of respect for spontaneity and creativity. Chantel and I enjoy individuality: those quirks that make people unique. Those strange mindsets that people have. Things we've never seen. We like meeting new people, learning new things. I like meeting people who can teach me things. When they run out of things to say, I don't spend so much time with them, I meet someone else. But Chantel and I have been friends for years because she is constantly changing. She keeps me on my toes and I think that's one of the best things about her. Other things too: she can be very sweet, and intelligent, and energetic. She understands things very quickly, and I should say that she knows me very well, occasionally better than I know myself.
And there are things about her that I won't pretend to understand: her life-mission for God, for instance. She has a passion for the Christian faith which I reserve for motorcycles; and maybe neither of us will ever understand the other's side of the story. But I think that if every Christian missionary could be as respectful to my lifestyle as she has been to mine, then the Churches would fare very well, for there are a great many people out there who are turned aside for small differences.
-Shannon