moving day

So today I am moving to my new place. I am suppose to be packing more stuff right now or at least doing laundry. I have no idea what time I am moving at. I am completely waiting for someone else to give me a call...and then I'm off.

Today I was cooking egg in a hole and I got an electric shock, now my arm hurts. I dont remember it hurting before.

Im feeling much better now, im not as sick as I was. hopfully tommorrow I will be as good as new...but who knows what time I will get to bed at, and who knows how good of a sleep I am going to get on the couch, since im coming back to my moms tonight. Tommorrow will be my first offical night at my new place.

Nothing really overly exciting is happening in my life...sorry Im so borning.

busy and sick

So I have been so busy doing stuff, I havnt gotten enough sleep and now I am sick. I'm so tired I dont even want to type everything. So I shall go now.

Feels like all week...

So it feels like all week I have woken up at 5 am and havnt been able to get back to sleep. It is the most annoying thing in the world. It doesnt matter what time I go to bed at, I am still waking up at this time. So this morning at 5 I woke up and I felt so sick. Have you ever felt that if you cough, you will just make yourself sicker and you won't be able to stop coughing? I feel that way right now, so I havnt really coughed yet, but I feel like I could cough all the time. The time is coming up...moving into my new place.

I have felt slightly depressed the past 2 days. Even tho I have been keeping myself busy with fun activities...

5 am...

I dont know for sure, but I do beileve I have been laying in bed since 5 am...Now I must have fallen asleep for maybe another hr or so here or there. I remember thinking. Oh well I cant be fully awake, I will fall asleep again soon, but I dont think I ever did.

So I am so much closer to finishing my EBC application. By Wednesday I will have all those auto biography questions done, then I just have to fill in a few spots here and there. Very Exciting! I went to the church yesturday and Jeremiah totally helped me with my application. He is so smart.

Its almost time for me to move into my new place. I havnt finished my packing yet...wait...I havnt even started my packing yet. Im totally excited about the move.

So today I am going to sit around and do nothing...I am going to watch some tv and maybe clean up a bit and I should finish my Zellers appliction, since I really need a job.

Out on the town...

So as I mentioned before, my mom was out last night. Well she didnt take her car, so of course I took it and use it. So I went over to my soon to be new place of living to pick up Tijiki and Kristina and we randomly drove to Guelph. It was so cold out, so we walked around a little downtown. Then went to Tim Horton, we were oringally looking for a nicer cafe to go to, but at 12 oclock at night everything was closed!

So I found out last night, that when Paul goes to Tim Hortons, he will have something that he can buy me. A Hot Smoothee, they are like warmed milk with flavour and they dont have any caffeine in them, they are very good. I was a little surprized that I liked them. I'm happy to know that now when I go to a coffee shop that most places will have these.

The Notebook

I watched the movie the notebook with Paul last night, he is so funny, he just loved chick flicks. Well maybe he doesnt love them, but he surly does like alot of them. I was going to write a poem about the movie, and I had so many good thoughts in my head last night, but now I forget them all. So now I am blogging about it. I got keys to the church now, it makes me feel special.

can't cook?

So I went to make pancakes this morning, I made this excellent strawberry and peach sauce to use with them. Well I couldnt cook the pancakes. I dont know if the batter was bad, or that my pans sucked. They keep getting stuck to the pans. I tried 4 pans before I gave up, I even remade the pancake batter! So I was a little frustrated, considering yesturday I made perfect good tasting pancakes at Paul's house. The same kind! So I ended up eatting my strawberry and peach sauce for breakfest.

vanilla toothpaste, and other fine things in life...

I got some new toothpaste, 3 new flavours actually. Vanilla Mint, Cinnamon Rush and Herbal Mint. They are so good. I havnt tired the Herbal Mint one yet, but Im sure its going to be so wonderful. I just love them. It brings a whole new meaning to brushing your teeth. Maybe not meaning, but experience. Its fabulous.

Tonight Kyle called me from New York! It was so encouraging to hear from him. Im so glad he is doing well. He had some awesome news, and it makes me feel so special that he called me.

So my mom says to me today she wont be home thursday night. Im so grossed out. She is going out somewhere, with one of her few boyfriends. Its rather distrubing. Im so glad I am gone in a month.

he's right....

there has got to be more to life then this?
When will I find it? When will I live in it? When will my life be to perfection?
Is it impossible? Is it unbeilevable? Is it unacheievable?
Do I thrive for no reason? Do I live for no reason? Do I reason for no reason?

Is my faith for nothing? Do I live for nothing? I dont know what keeps me doing it? What keeps me in this cycle. Do I need to give it up? When will I find the key to it all? When will life make sense?

So many questions, so little answers, so little time.

Past my bedtime...

Its 1 30 AM, and I just got back from a night out at young adults. Most of the time, I would be the first person to leave Jeremy and Kathy's but tonight, I was one of the last. It felt great. I should be in bed right now, and if not in bed, I should be packing for my weekend trip to the Capital city of Ottawa, to visit my lovely younger sister. I do think it will only take me 15 mins to pack, which I don't think is a lot of time. I think a lot of the time, people stop and do other things in between packing, so I believe I will be able to pack in 15 mins. Hopefully I will not have an angry mother in the morning, because I wont even be close to ready...But I don't feel like doing it right now.

I realized tonight, that after playing Scene it, Harry Potter. I know nothing about Harry Potter, even though I have read at least 4 of the books.

I am happy to say that I will be joining, and helping to start a knitting/crohetting club this coming weeks, with some people, I do hope it starts, and I pray God will bring me to the meetings each week.

I don't know why I feel "on top of the world" right now, but I do hope that it lasts.

One thing I know, is my grandpa is doing much better. Another thing I know is that I have some wonderful people in my life, and I think in my next blog entry I will talk about them all.

I do think its official, I will be moving out of my house at the end of the month to live with Tijiki and Christina. I really hope it turns out to be okay. I am hoping this will be the final time I move out of my moms house, to be on my own in the world. I want to be non dependent of my mom, I do think I can do it. Actually I know I can.

self-centerness?

As of Late, I have been depressed about many things. One of those things is my self-centerness. Now Im not sure if that is what you would call it. I feel depressed about all the people that I care about, that I just havnt talked to. That my lack of calling, or visiting shows that I dont really care about them. Now for some people I have a fairly good excuse, but that doesnt matter, cause I could find other ways around my lack of appearance in lifes of people that I care about. Maybe lots of people feel this way. I have such a wide variety of people in my life, that you just cant see them all, all the time. At least I can see some, once in a while, but now because of my lack of appearance I wonder if part of the reason I dont get together which some is my regret in not coming sooner. I think of 2 couples, of people that I have yet to visit, since the arrival of there new babies. Which I am sure have been around for at least 6 months now, and I have yet to see them. So what can I do, but suck it up, and visit, its not like I am doing anything, but sitting around in depressed and in regret.

Are you ever prepared?

So can you ever be preared for death? This is something I really wonder, since I am 22 and I havnt experienced a death in my family yet. This monday I went to the hospital to visit my grandpa. He has pneumonia and Im thinking so he will just be sick, it wont be that bad. I was wrong, and totally unprepared. Because he has alzheimers he is way worst off. He cant talk, which I guess isnt a new thing, but cause I havnt seen him in a while, I havnt known that. So while we were there he was seeing things, and they had to tie him down cause he was scared. I didnt even realize it was him, when I first went it. While I was there, I just prayed God would take him away, since he just looked so bad. But he is hanging in, he doesnt want to go just yet I guess.

where am I?

I have been home for 6 hrs now, this morning was the first monday morning I havnt been to work in what seems like forever. I cant say I am bored, but I am definetally not happy that Im not working. I am sure I will get a new job soon. I have so much I can do, but I feel so unmotivated to do anything. I noticed this morning my hair is getting much longer. I think it actually almost been a year since I shaved my head. Its hard to beileve a year has passed. One year since I moved back to Cambridge. This week has felt like nothing has changed, that I am right back to where I was a year ago. Except there is a few changes. I have a boyfriend I never thought I would have. But everything around me feels the same again. A few weeks ago I was on top of the world. I liked my job, I enjoyed church, my family life was good, I was eatting proberly, and I was happy. Now all of that feels like it is falling, even the last 2 days I guess Paul and I have been fighting over stupid things. We cant seem to get things right sometimes. We cant seem to talk to each other, or maybe its I cant seem to talk to him, its like we are so much alike, and you would think because we are alike in our thoughts and feelings we would better understand how to know. But its not working that way.

Another thing that is bothering me, is when did I become so skeptical, is it that I just have to disagree with everything because I can?

What am I doing wrong to have such a unhappy time with myself? Is it something I am doing? or am I being tested once again, for the hundreth time? But Why Me?